Can you believe this?
There is a mom in the neighborhood and she’s nice, but she seems like an overachiever. I’m not judging her. Not yet. Let me explain. She looks great, even in her gym clothes. Even in a ponytail. She’s always rushing around. When I see her at the grocery store she’s racing through the aisles. It’s sort of charming and I love her hair accessories.
Anyhow, we’ve gotten friendly. Every time I see her at Stop & Shop we chat for a solid 10 minutes, which is actually pretty frustrating, but I’m ok with it. So about 2 weeks ago I saw her in the organic produce aisle and we started talking about what we had planned for the morning. I told her I needed to run errands. She told me she was headed home to work-out. She said I should come over to hang out sometime. We exchanged numbers.
She texted me about going over to her place to work-out. I thought this was odd, but hey, why not? She said “Bring a towel & let’s juice after our workout.”
My mind was racing…I thought of what a pain in the ass juicing is. So much fruit cutting, the mess involved. I wasn’t looking forward to this. Did I need to offer to clean the whole machine afterwards? I was becoming anxious. Then a friend told me that “Juice” is a slang term for steroids! Good god, were we going to be enhancing our performance together?
Also, I didn’t know if she meant a hand towel or a bath towel. Friends said a hand towel.
So I showed up and she wanted to do yoga with me. She said she had attended teacher training in the Caribbean. She was a show off. I had no idea how to hold a pose properly, I felt like an idiot. I had on sweats, I looked like Rocky Balboa. I thought we were going to maybe stretch in her house and then go out for a brisk walk. I mean, I didn’t really expect a “home gym”. Plus that home gym turned out to be a yoga mat. Another issue was that my feet weren’t pedicured and I was embarrassed. This was turning into a terrible day.
I became humiliated and gave up and watched her do some doggy style pose or something like that while I sat to the side and made some awkward jokes. Next thing you know she’s on her head. It was impressive, but enough already.
Yoga was over so we went into the kitchen together and she threw a Tropicana juice box at me to catch. She didn’t mention juicing. Then I got a lecture as we sat together at her giant kitchen island. She talked about letting go and trying to be in the moment. She also talked to me about meditation, but at that point I had zoned out.